Relationships...Friendships...Acquaintanceships(that's a real word right?). All of these revolve around being real and opening up to another person. The struggle for me has not been finding people to talk to. My struggle has not been finding people who will open up to me. Rather my struggle is opening up to others. I'm struck with this fear that if others saw me I would not be accepted.
Rob talked on Sunday about the thought of man's dependence upon relationships with man. That God has inherently created within us a desire to be with other people. But i think it goes much deeper than that. The verse Rob used was Genesis 2:18: Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” I think this verse is bigger than friends...i think its bigger than people in your life. I think what this verse points to is a longing for companionship. A person who you share your life with. Everything. That one close friend who always walks beside you.
For many years in my life this need was filled in me by my best friends. Guys who I hung out with everyday quite literally. Right now I seem to have lost this. Sure I have some amazing friends(shout out to my CG peeps Sean, Casey, and Meghan), but I have yet to find what i consider true companionship. Someone who is like a brother or a sister to me.
Sometimes I feel like i'm living the song stain glass masquerade by casting crowns:
"So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them"